


Unsteady

by Katlyn1948



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Infertility, Miscarriage, Other, Sisterly Love, Some Humor, Triggers, sister bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-04-23 00:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22228438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katlyn1948/pseuds/Katlyn1948
Summary: Arya and Sansa bond over conversation. Things are revealed and an emotional response ensues.
Relationships: Arya Stark & Sansa Stark, Arya Stark/Gendry Waters
Comments: 1
Kudos: 94





	Unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGERS IN THIS FIC! PLEASE READ FIRST! 
> 
> So, this is my fic I have been working on. I want to put a warning before anyone reads this…there are things in this fic that could trigger some people. It deals with infertility and miscarriages and the last thing I want to do is cause someone any pain if they’ve experienced this. I wrote this fic, because a friend of mine recently suffered a miscarriage and I received news about my personal self in terms of infertility. I’ve spoken to several people on here, whom I’m close with about my issues, but this past week my doctor told me that I will most likely need a hysterectomy within a few years. I’m only in my early 20′s and that was some devastating news. I don’t want to have children right now, but that doesn’t mean that when I reached my 30′s that I wouldn’t want any. My doctor basically told me that if I want children, I should do it soon. Unfortunately, I am not mentally nor financially capable of having a child right now. I still haven’t accepted this news and I have been in just a really bad funk about it. I’ve cried a lot and even joined a support group. My mom suggested that I do therapy, and she may be right. But I am not striking out yet. I have several other doctor’s appointment’s lined up to get second, third, forth opinions and I am freezing my eggs (which is harder than it sounds), just in case. 
> 
> Anyway, please read this with caution and have some tissues, because I even cried while writing it.

The Stark sigil was present beyond the horizon. Grey flags whipped through the air as the small traveling party galloped their way up the dirt road. It was a larger party then Arya had expected, but compared to her sister’s definition of ‘large,’ it could have consisted of more than just what she traveled with.

Arya watched from the watch tower as she saw her sister’s convoy crest over the hill. A smile creeped onto her face as she darted towards the steps, taking two at time, until she reached the gates of the castle. It had been nearly five years since she last saw her sister, and the growing anticipation at seeing her once more made her giddy with unexpected happiness.

“Open the gates,” she said to a nearby guard.

He nodded swiftly and pulled a lever to the side of him, lifting the iron gates just in time to greet the Northern Queen.

Queen Sansa Stark of The North had not changed a single thing about her appearance in the nearly five years it been that Arya has seen her. Her read hair still cascaded down her back in fiery waves, with the wolf crown placed perfectly atop her head. Her usual northern garb had been discarded the moment her ship docked in King’s Landing; her furs just too heavy for the warm climate.

Arya marveled at her sister’s poise as she rode into the castle square, her envoy trailing behind. She was rather surprised to see her sister riding in on top of a horse, rather than being pulled behind one.

Her sister rode in with ease and stopped the horse just shy of where Arya was standing. She swung her leg over her mare and planted her feet firmly on the muddied ground.

Arya watched as her sister stood with grace, never faulting her perfectly placed crown as she dismounted her steed.

“Welcome, Sansa, Queen in the North.” Arya said with a smirk as she bowed to her sister. She slowly rose and saw the distasteful scowl on her sister’s face.

“You really didn’t have to do that.” she huffed.

Arya smiled and could no longer contain the laugh she had tried to suppress, “Now you know how it feels…your grace.”

Sansa shook her head and immediately embraced her sister.

Arya took a deep breath, basking in the smell of the north that lingered on Sansa’s locks. It smelled of burning wood and winter air. It had been so long since she had seen Winterfell’s walls and felt the cold snow beneath her feet, that familiar smells and feel of her sister’s warmth swelled her aching heart.

“I’ve missed you!” Sansa whispered into Arya’s hair.

Arya nodded, “And I’ve missed you.”

The two sisters remained in embrace for several beats longer until they had to pull apart before someone came to do so.

“Come, let me show you to your chambers.” Arya hooked her arm with her sister’s and began trailing her towards the grand castle perched on a seaside cliff.

They walked in tandem; slowly, at first, to allow Sansa to greet the working folk in the courtyards. People seemed to marvel at her beauty; completely mesmerized by the ‘Red Wolf’ of the north. Arya could no help but feel some residual jealousy, for she was sure that her people never looked at her that way. The names and taunts from their younger years had re-surfaced and Arya could not help but think that she was nothing more than a horseface.

This prompted Arya to quicken their stride. She wanted to get out of the gaze of others and enjoy her sister all to herself; pushing her ill thoughts aside.

Arya guided her sister to a set of chambers on the far side of the castle, away from where her and Gendry stayed in the drum tower along the cliff. She loved her sister, but she still wanted her privacy with her husband. The last thing that she needed was her sister to hear her pleasurable cries echo through the halls; she already had enough complaints from the maester whose chambers were situated right below theirs.

The chambers had been unused for decades, according to the chambermaid that had lived in the castle since before King Robert was born.

When Gendry inherited Storm’s End, he decided to change that, using them to house several children orphaned by the sack of King’s Landing. It wasn’t until Arya arrived from her travels that they decided to build a shelter, allowing more children to have a roof over their heads and food in their bellies.

“I hope this is to your liking.” Arya gestured around the room, allowing Sansa to take in the large chambers.

“I think it will do nicely,” She plopped down on the freshly made feather bed, groaning as she stretched her aching limbs.

“So, where are your chambers?” Sansa asked as she sank further into the bed.

Arya scoffed, “On the other side of the castle. I need some space from you.”

“That’s not why. I’ve heard the rumors of about the stag Storm Lord making his she-wolf of a wife howl at night.” She smirked.

Arya’s eyes widened and she swore that if she had taken a sip of water, that she would have spat it back out with sheer shock.

A cackle passed through Sansa’s lips as she looked at Arya’s face, “Oh, don’t look too surprised! I mean, I’ve seen Gendry and I can only imagine what he hides under those breeches of his.” 

Arya’s cheeks flushed. She had never engaged in a conversation quite like the one she was in now with Sansa.

When she left nearly five years ago on her journey west, Sansa was becoming queen of the north; too high and mighty to talk about anything vulgar.

“Sansa, I don’t think tha-”

“What? That we should not be talking about it? Why not? Because it’s not queen like? Well, I have some news for you, little sister, things have changed in the five years since you’ve seen me. A lot of things.” She shifted in the bed to prop herself up on her elbows so that she could see Arya’s face more clearly.

“Tell me. What has changed.” Arya asked as she fiddled with the hilt on her sword.

Sansa shrugged, “Not important. Besides, I want to know what you’ve been up to these last five years.”

“You’re deflecting.” Arya moved to where her sister was laying on the feather bed and joined her, sitting on the edge.

“No, I’m asking how you’ve been. Aside from the one or two letters I get a year, I have no idea what you have been up to. The first two years you were away, I got but one raven. Then out of the clear blue, another raven telling me you are in Storm’s End, married to Lord Baratheon! I didn’t even know you knew the man, let alone enough to marry him! And to make matters worse, you were very short in your letters. No more than a few words.” Sansa took a breath before continuing, “I want answers.”

Arya sighed. She had expected Sansa too corner her, but she hadn’t thought it would be so soon. Perhaps they would have supper, a few goblets of wine, then discuss everything she had left out of her letters.

It wasn’t easy telling Sansa that she was married. If were up to her entirely, Sansa would have never found out…at least from her, but Gendry thought otherwise.

Secrecy was sacred to her. She enjoyed keeping things to herself, and she found that if people knew too much that they could use that information to hurt you. Her problem was that people always knew too much.

Bran knew everything, and although Sansa was leagues away, she too would find a way to have little birds’ tweet in her ear.

Arya deflated and succumbed to her sister’s persistence, “What do you want to know?”

A smile creeped onto Sansa’s face, only making Arya’s demeanor sour, “How do you know Gendry? The only thing you said in your letter was ‘don’t worry, I know him. I’ve known him for a long time.’”

“Well, it’s the truth! I have known him for a long time.”

“Okay, but how? Obviously before Winterfell, but when?”

Sansa was like a giggling child, excited with the prospect of learning something she shouldn’t. Arya contemplated on whether it was a good idea to confide in her, but suppose it was a better option than a stranger.

“I met him…the day father died. He saved me from a couple of bullies; threatened to make them sing, like he made steel sing. It was a rather stupid quip, when I think about it, but it worked. We traveled the King’s road together headed towards The Wall. I was pretending to be a boy, and he was the only one who figured out I wasn’t that. He was the only one I trusted with my identity. I was being taken back to Jon, while he was trying to escape some gold cloaks. Obviously, we didn’t make it and ended up being taken to Harrenhal, where I was a cup bearer for Tywin Lannister. He figured I was a girl but didn’t know I was a Stark. We barely made it out alive. We had a friend with us, Hot Pie, and we walked for days before we found the brotherhood.”

“And?” Sansa persisted.

“And what?”

“How did you two get separated?”

“He wanted to stay with The Brotherhood, and I wanted to find mother and Robb. I was so angry with him for choose them over me. I wanted him to be my family. At the time, I thought that if he came back with me that we could still be friends, but Gendry was right. Mother would have never allowed it. Then the Brotherhood sold him to the red bitch, and I thought for sure that I would never see him again.” She couldn’t help the swell of tears that were forming in her eyes, “I thought he was dead. I thought everyone was dead. That’s why it took me so long to come back to Westeros the first time.”

Arya watched as Sansa absorbed the entirety of her story.

There was much that she had omitted in her original timeline to Sansa, and now that was coming to light, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of relief. Arya was never one to care what people thought of her, but her concern for judgement had crippled her ability to fully reveal the truth to Sansa. Of course, her sister knew of the House of Black and White and the faceless men, but never of her encounters before she made her trip to Bravvos.

There was a beat of silence before Sansa cleared her throat, “Well, at least the Gods were kind to bring you two back together.”

Arya scoffed, “That’s the only kind thing they’ve offered me in my 23 years of life.”

“So, where is your handsome storm lord?” Sansa asked as she lifted herself from the featherbed. “Why did he not greet me upon my arrival?”

“He is dealing with a few of our bannermen.”

“Will he be joining us for dinner?” She asked as she poured a hefty goblet of wine.

Arya had made sure to keep Sansa’s chambers stocked with it. Her time spent with Cersei had warranted a few unhealthy habits; the drinking of wine was one of them.

“Doubtful. After his meetings with any of our lords, he tends to wander to the forge to bang out his frustrations. I won’t see him until late tonight, when he comes staggering into our chambers covered it soot.”

Sansa scowled, “Well that’s unfortunate. I have some questions for the man.”

“Which I’m sure can wait until the morning.”

“Yes, yes…whatever you say.” Sansa waved her hand in dismissal as she sipped her wine. “So, tell me, how has it been being the Lady of Storm’s End?”

Arya shrugged, “It’s not all bad, if that’s what you’re wondering. I not a lady in the traditional sense of the word, but my people seem to like me.”

“See! And you thought being a lady was going to be worst thing in this world.”

“I never said that! I just said that I didn’t want to waste my time in some high tower sewing and bearing children for a husband who would not value me.” She said matter of fact.

“Which you don’t! According to Bran’s letters, you’ve quite the name for yourself here.” Another sip, “You have trained new guards, held meeting when Gendry is unavailable, I even heard that you threatened a lord of yours that questioned your ability to lead.”

All of this was true. Arya wanted to prove to the people of Storm’s End that she could lead them into a brighter future, just like Gendry had the two years she was away. There were plenty of lords that did not enjoy here welcome when she returned to Westeros the second time. Few were unsure if she would be a fit lady for a man like Gendry, but she quickly proved them wrong. Even Gendry himself had threatened to skin a few of them alive if they were to disrespect Arya anymore than what they already had.

In the three years she had been his wife and the Lady, she has managed to help the region thrive with trade and goods, even open an orphanage for children whose parents were lost in the Battle of King’s Landing. Taxes have been lowered for those living outside the castle, and even the minor threats from Dorne had ceased. And, although she was sure there were still several lords who questioned her abilities, they kept their mouths shut and let her rule.

Her life had been good here…almost.

“I know I’ve done all of those things, but sometimes I just feel…alone.” She admitted.

“You miss it, don’t you?”

Arya nodded. She missed the freedom she had when she was out on the sea. There were no rules to abide by or orders to take; it was just her, her ship, and her dedicated crew. But the overwhelming feeling of missing Gendry brought her back.

“I do miss it, but not as much as I missed Gendry when I was out at sea.” Arya smiled as she thought about her time at sea. The vast horizon with nothing by ocean ahead was an exciting feeling. There were memories that were made, most that she would cherish for the rest of her life.

“Do you know that I told him not to wait for me?”

“What? When?” Sansa perked, intrigued to hear this story.

“After the dragon pit. I went to him to apologize for leaving him the way that I did at Winterfell. He wasn’t too happy with me but forgave me. We talked about our feelings and I could no longer lie to him, so I told him the truth. Of course, that lead into other…things. While we were laying on his bed, I told him that I was leaving and that I wasn’t sure when I’d return. I told him not to wait, to have a life. To marry and to have children. I nearly broke me to say those words, but he needed to be happy without me. But he is a stubborn bull, and said he’d wait until his last days. How fucking poetic.” She couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her lips as she reminisced about their last night together before her voyage.

“Gods! I tried everything to get his stupid blue eyes out of my head, but not even the lovers I had could remove him from my thoughts.”

Sansa’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head, “Lovers!? How many did you have? And does Gendry know?”

Arya chuckled, “I had three and yes, he knows. Just like I know about his.”

“Well, who were these lovers? Where they handsome? How did they compare to Gendry?” Sansa went on.

“Well, two were women, so I can’t really call them handsome and well the man…he was well endowed, but they never could compare to Gendry. Not once.”

Sansa’s cheeks flushed, “Women? Why, sister, you do get around.”

“Don’t judge, we are all human and we all have needs. I’ll admit, I was surprised, but it was enjoyable.”

“And Gendry didn’t mind?”

“How could he? Besides, he had lovers too. Only two of them, both women. We were both lonely and using these people to get each other out of our heads. It didn’t work and when I realized that, I decided to come home…to him.”

Arya knew that Gendry was her home, no matter where he lived or who he was. She knew that she would always come back to him, it was just a matter of when. She planned to stay out at sea much longer than her two years, but her heart would not allow it. The distance and longing were just too much for her to bear. She needed to see him, to feel him, to hear his voice in her ears. Her heart ached and she needed the pain to ease, so she sailed back to Storm’s End.

Luckily, he felt the same way.

“This is sooo romantic!” Sansa squealed, giving Arya a glimpse of her sister of the past, when all she had to worry about were the fairytale stories Old Nan used to tell.

“If you think so.” Arya laughed.

“It is! And imagine if you have children! They will love to hear the story of how their parents came back to one another.”

Arya’s heart nearly stopped, her smile falling from her face, “Right, children.”

She grabbed a goblet of wine and turned from where her sister was sitting. She quickly down the sweet liquid and filled her goblet once more.

There was shift in the atmosphere and Arya would be stupid to think that here sister wouldn’t have felt it.

“Did I saw something wrong?” Her voice was filled with concern.

“No…no, you didn’t” Arya tried to assure her sister, but her voice faltered, betraying her.

She could feel Sansa’s presence as she came up behind her, engulfing her into a hug, “What’s wrong.”

“It’s nothing, really.” She pushed her sister off and crossed the room to look out the window.

The sea wasn’t visible from Sansa’s rooms, but the training yard and the forge were. She could already hear the familiar banging of steel against steel. Gendry was no longer with the lords, but rather taking out his frustration and anger on a piece of poor steel. Arya wondered what gift she would receive next, out of this current bout of forging.

“Arya, please talk to me? You weren’t shy just moments ago. What’s wrong.” Her sister pleaded.

Arya glanced down at her hand, the forgot goblet of wine left untouched between her fingers. A tear escaped, bridging over her eyes, “I don’t think I can have children.” Her voice was no more than a whisper, filled with a familiar heart break.

There was silence in the room and Arya finally had the courage to lift her face to meet her sister’s.

“We’ve tried. I thought, perhaps that maybe when I was stabbed that it damaged my womb, but the maester assured that it was missed. Judging by my scars, my liver may have received most of the damage. He said it was miracle I lived through that, but my womb was untouched.”

“Are…are you certain?”

“Sansa, I haven’t taken my moon tea in nearly a year and a half. Gendry waited for me to be ready, and when I finally was, I stopped taking it. I never thought that I would ever want children, but as we were building the orphanage and I saw all those children running around in the softy dewy grass, I couldn’t help by wonder what our children would look like, running atop the high cliffs.” A soft sob escaped her lips as she tried to keep the overwhelming, bubbling emotions in check.

“Then you keep trying.”

“No,” Arya shook her head, “I’m done trying. I cannot handle anymore heart break.”

“That doesn’t sound like the sister I know. I’m sure that if you keep tryi-”

“I’ve already lost three!” She screamed, throwing the goblet in her hand to the ground, “I’ve lost three babes, Sansa!”

Tears were now welling in Sansa’s eyes, “Wha-”

Arya could no longer contain her sadness. Sobs racked her body as she began to lose her footing, crashing to the floor beneath her, “We-we…I-I became with child two moons after I stopped taking my moon tea and then two moons later, I awoke with excruciating pain, only to find our bed covers drenched in blood!”

Sansa was now beside her, embracing her into a fierce hug, allowing her to sob into her arms.

“Then-then we tried again. I became with child and I-I thought this one would last. I lost her five moons into the pregnancy. Then again, just a few days before your arrival…I didn’t even know I was with child. I can’t do it again! I can’t put Gendry through that again!” She sobbed.

“Oh, Arya. I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I should not have said anything. This is all my fault.”

Arya shook her head, “No, no, you didn’t know. I-” She took several deeps breathes, trying to calm her sobs. She was grateful for Sansa, that she was there. She had yet to tell Gendry of the third, and she was unsure if she should. She saw the pain in his eyes the first two time, and she could not do that to him a third time. For five days she held onto the pain of loosing yet another babe, and finally, with here sister here within her grasp, she could no longer hold any of the emotion in. “I’m glad you’re here. I’ve felt alone for several days; felt so unsteady. The pain was eating me inside, even Gendry could tell something was off.”

“Arya-”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

“No! There is nothing wrong with you! You are the strongest person I know, and I hate to see you so broken. I hadn’t realized you wanted children so badly, but you’ve changed. There is nothing that I can say that help ease your pain, little sister, but was I can say is that if you cannot have children, that there are plenty of children in that orphanage of yours that would be so lucky to have you and Gendry as parents. You can still have children; maybe not in the traditional sense, but you can provide a child with nothing, the gift of two parents.”

Arya hiccupped. She wiped her eyes and gazed up into her sister’s eyes, “Thank you. For keeping me steady, when I felt nothing but unwavering sadness.”

Sansa smiled and gave a soft kiss atop Arya’s head, “We may not have liked each other as children, but you are my sister and I will always be here for you. Now, wipe those tears, you have an orphanage to show me.”


End file.
